I’m lost in the middle of nowhere on a freaking alien planet. Running away from the Hyrrokin mafia. It’s as terrible as you can imagine. I haven’t eaten in two days and it’s raining in the wildlands. Lightning strikes overhead and thunder rumbles in the distance. I slip and fall in the mud. And then I sit at the bottom of a ravine, crying.

There’s a blur in the distance. Is that a mirage? No, it’s a deadly, satanic-looking male with a bare chest, huge black horns and a barbed tail racing right for me.

I scream as this monster looms overhead. Am I his target? Is he here to recapture me?

“I’ve got you, female,” he says with a deep, gentle tone. “I’m taking you to my ranch. I will protect and care for you.”

He scoops me into his massive arms and I promptly faint from both panic and exhaustion.

Please gods, let this turn out okay.